Evangeline Lilly took to Instagram Friday, revealing to fans that she’s had a tumultuous past year, choosing to suffer in silence until now.
The “Lost” actress, 40, wrote a lengthy note to followers accompanied by a 2019 photo of herself, explaining that while she suffered a personal trauma that nearly broke her spirit, she had chosen to remain silent, saving those around her from the negativity of it.
“I had such a rough year last year,” she confessed, “but I didn’t want to share all of it with you because i didn’t want to be a dark cloud in your world. All I’ve ever wanted to do was put joy in the world. To add sunshine. I didn’t want you to be having a perfectly good day and then have my post make you sad.”
She went on to detail her struggle with “feeling that all I ever am is what I feel everyone else wants and needs me to be. I often feel alone and unseen.”
Lilly goes on to say that as a “strong woman,” she often felt obligated to hide her pain from the world.
“Publicly, I hid and made light of my deepest traumas and laughed in the face of my most profound pain,” the actress shared. “Until, last year, I broke. Suddenly I was forced to face my weakness and my limitations, my trauma and fears. I was left with no choice but to accept that I am limited or…carry on down a road of perfectionist denial that would inevitably kill me.”
Fortunately for the “Ant-Man” star, things seem to be headed in a better direction — but not without emotional twists and turns.
“I am coming out of that deep place, slowly. As I start to breathe the fresh air, as I start to find my new, limited footing, I feel disconnected from you. I feel it’s pointless to share the light when you don’t know my darkness. I feel lost and apathetic about this space we share.”
While Lilly didn’t reveal the exact reason behind the concerning post, she underwent the big chop in November, cutting her signature locks in favor of a brunette buzz cut, later dyeing her mane blond and styling it into a pixie cut.